A reader of mine asked me: "Hi Mr. Kate! This is Kait with an "i". How do you get that 'saggy boob' look while wearing a bra? An example is your Romper OOTD. I see it everywhere and I just cant achieve it! Thanks!"
The romper mentioned in Kait's question, being err, filled out by my saggy boobs from OOTD: Romper at Night on the Beach.
Okay, this made me laugh. At first I thought, "wait, should I be insulted?" Then I pondered the question dangling in front of me (ew) and quickly came to the conclusion that I DO embrace the saggy boob look on PURPOSE! Calm down with the caps Kate, they're just boobs. But what I'm saying is, I purposefully wear bras with little to no reinforcement (pads, padding, the like) and sometimes no underwire -- there are no Miracles (trademark Vicki's Secret) happening with the bras that I wear.
In the morning, as I wrap myself with my flimsy support systems, I often have my mother's voice ringing in my ears: "Wear a supportive bra so you're not kicking your tits around by the time you're 40!" This, coming from a woman who basically burned her bra in the '60s and often brags about walking around Boston barefoot to get macro-biotic food from the first ever Erewhon.
I digress, we're talking about boobs here, not brown rice patties (ew). So, against my reformed-hippie-mother's advice, I don't wear supportive bras, so Kait with an "i", I would say that's the most basic answer I can give you... wear a bra that barely does anything and hopefully your boobs have already met a thing called gravity and voila, the saggy boob look!
But let's get into the nitty titty of this. Let's really delve into this question that Kait has asked me. There are some deep cultural implications that we can glean from this here saggy boob or perceived saggy boob syndrome. The truth is, my boobs aren't really THAT saggy, but I think what's deceptive about their downward persuasion is that they're REAL! There I go with the caps again. Basically, I think the perception of what boobs are supposed to look like has changed since the advent of the silicone/saline/recycled gummy bear boob phenom (are italics better? Less angry). A natural boob, be it a tear drop shape, banana swoop, melted Milk Dud, you name it, those shapes have now gone the route of the VHS tape and are rarely seen roaming the streets (RIP Blockbuster). Us women are hoisting these puppies up with Miracles, super straps and even things that closely resemble raw fowl... can I have a cutlet?
I'm not trying to invoke another bra burning session, let's face it, they're mostly polyester and you don't want flaming napalm with underwires ruining a good bonfire. I'm merely pointing out that my saggy boobs aren't yet the subject of a Farrelly Brothers' movie (am I dating myself?) but kinda, sorta, dare I say it, normal?!
Everyone's boobs are shaped differently. My little sister has these perky round things that my half eaten pears are somewhat envious of. I mean, she is 6.5 years younger than me but I still think it's a shape thing because mine were still more fond of the southern hemisphere when I was her age. My mom, on the other hand has run the boob gamut. She started out with perky Cs, let them live the free-wheelin' life during her hippie years (I wonder if Acid makes your boobs sag more?) and then had two babies who breast fed till we were able to form full sentences and get our license -- JK, it was about age two. After baby number two, she decided she wanted to see what her belly button looked like, so she had her plastic surgeon slice off the nipple, make an incision from the nipple down to the crease (imagine a cat smiling with a nipple for a nose) and then he snipped off that saggy skin and folded the whole thing up to a perky B! Mom then decided she missed her ample Cs so back to Dr. Plastic she went and got some bags of salt water (saline) folded in those suckers, rounding her out to a big ol' D. Now I'm not exposing any big secret in telling you guys about my mom's boob adventures, she was known to lift her shirt up in public settings and show what the doctor gave her, to anyone with any interest... her gay guy friends loooooved it, as my sister and I uttered the usual, "Uch, Moooom!"
But alas, my wee mother grew tired of her pumped up, fun bags and eventually had them removed. She's now back to Bs whose perkiness rival my floppers.
Like many girls/ladies, I've analyzed my breasts in the past and wondered if they looked good or if I needed a boob job. It's hard not to when you're bombarded with images of silicone cantaloupes growing up. I think plastic surgery is definitely a personal choice, and if it makes you feel better then by all means, DO IT! But I always like to question why I'm doing something -- do I feel like I need to do this because of some outside pressure or is it something that I, in my inner most being, want to do? That's how I came to the conclusion that I like my saggy situation. I prefer the way my natural breasts, with their natural droop, look in clothes... just check out the celebrity sag of Scarlett Johansson, Katie Holmes, and Olivia Munn. I feel too much like a stuffed turkey when I have on my water bra with cleavage up to my Adam's apple (P.S., I don't have an Adam's apple because, against popular opinion, I am not a man, people are sometimes confused by the Mr. Kate). Speaking of men, Joey, my hubby, likes my boobs... or at least he tells me he does, which is all that matters. Ignorance is bliss and while I'm on my soapy soap box, I'll just shout it out and shake my saggy boobs and say... let's Celebrate The Sag! Saggy is the new Sexy... I'm bringing saggy baaaack!
My past saggy boob looks:
What do you think? Lend me your boob below!