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Is This a Bib? An Investigation.

NBC's

At the Golden Globes last weekend, Beautiful Boy star and walking Renaissance oil portrait Timothée “Timotay” Chalamet donned a sparkling black harness that — he clarified in an interview with Ellen DeGeneres this week — was not for sex stuff, as we initially suspected. In fact, it wasn’t a harness as at all, Chalamet told DeGeneres, it was a “bib” designed by Virgil Abloh by Louis Vuitton.

“People thought you were wearing a harness of some sort,” DeGeneres told Chalamet.

“I thought it was a bib. They told me it was a bib!” he replied. “I had a friend send me a thing that, like, sex-dungeon culture is a thing where you wear harnesses. I didn’t do it for that reason, but, uh…”

Louis Vuitton also confirmed on the night of the globes that Chalamet’s chest piece was a bib.

1: a cloth or plastic shield tied under the chin to protect the clothes

2: the part of an apron or of overalls extending above the waist

3: a patch of differently colored feathers or fur immediately below the bill or chin of a bird or mammal

4: a piece of cloth, paper, or plastic with an identifying number that is worn by a participant in a race or contest

Chalamet’s bib did not look like this. It did not tie under the chin, it had straps, and it would not really have protected his clothes unless he spilled very carefully onto a narrow band of his sternum.

Conclusion: NOT A BIB.

As you can see from this picture of a farmer wearing overalls and happily holding a pair of melons, Chalamet’s bib was not like this. Yes, it also had straps, but again, it only covered a strip of his chest as opposed to his whole front, and also it wasn’t part of his pants.

Conclusion: NOT A BIB.

Look at this cute little robin. Did you know the orange-reddish feathers on its front are also known as its bib? You do now, and you also know that it looks nothing like Chalamet’s “bib” which was the same color as the rest of his outfit, and which — while it did rest on the breast of a delicate, fine-boned creature — was not part of his anatomy, and therefore not a bib in this, the third sense of the word.

Conclusion: NOT A BIB.

Since Chalamet was nominated for his performance in Beautiful Boy, Sunday’s Golden Globes were a contest for him, so maybe it was a bib in this fourth sense of the world. It didn’t have a number on it, but neither does this woman’s, although hers has the initials of her school, which counts as an identifying feature. Then again, Chalamet’s bib had sparkles and no one was confusing him with any of his competitors (Mahershala Ali, Adam Driver, Richard E. Grant, Sam Rockwell).

Conclusion: MAYBE A BIB.

To summarize, Chalamet’s sparkly chest strap did not cover most of his front, and was therefore probably not a bib, but also maybe it was a bib. However you feel about it, and despite his claims to the contrary, I think we can all agree it looks a lot more like this Etsy sex harness ($139).